i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
