You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
