Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
