he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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