And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
