just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
