Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
