At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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