Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
