At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
