hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
