paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
