She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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