every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
