remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
