This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
