When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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