the condom got lost in my hair
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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