she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
