Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
