First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
