he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
