Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
