What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He kissed a someone with a penis
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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