Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
