I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dear god my vagina.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
