so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
