Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
