You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
