so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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