i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
