I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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