I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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