God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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