someone get that fucking seahorse.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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