Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
