Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
