Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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