Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
