can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
