where does the pee come out of this thing
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
