Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
