mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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