I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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