I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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