shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
