my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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