They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
