maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
