You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
