I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
