He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
