people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize