Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
