im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
