Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
