Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
