You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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