i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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