OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
