I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
