I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
