What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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