I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize