I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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