he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
