Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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