I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
