I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
