Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
